In Africa, a colourful collection of animals discovers their water holes are drying up. The culprit is a massive concrete dam across the river that feeds the Savannah.
In Greenland, a polar bear is cast adrift by the cataclysmic melting of the glacier she lives on.
In the Galapagos, the drunken crew of a French oil tanker runs aground, spilling oil across the ocean.
In Australia refracted sunlight from a broken bottle causes a massive brushfire.
On a cruise ship, a chicken is... tortured by a sadistic chef?
The biggest problem with environmental message movies, especially those geared to children, is that they come off as either goofy or outright stupid thanks to the level of contrivance it requires to bring the gradual effects of ecological change into a fast-paced adventure narrative. The worst offenders tend to be overly preachy as well, and if anything hurt their message more than they help. Nobody likes to be preached to, and especially not children.
Which is why Animals United seems at the very start to be an incredibly strong contender for an ecofable. It follows, essentially, the plot of a Roland Emmerich-style disaster movie, i.e.. a series of crises around the globe unites a small and diverse band of heroes to try and save the day. The twist is, the heroes are wild animals and the apocalyptic force destroying their homes is... us.
It's easily the cleverest "hook" for a save-the-environment adventure I've ever seen, and the first twenty minutes of the film are full of rip-roaring thrills, genuine pathos and gorgeous, gorgeous animation. Unfortunately it doesn't sustain that high level of quality throughout.
It seems that aping the model of an Emmerich movie includes aping all of those movies' flaws, including dull, characters, unfortunate ethnic stereotypes (why are all the Water Buffalo on the African Savannah depicted as Mexican gang members?), and action setpieces of gradually decreasing quality. We can immediately see the usual cast of disaster movie characters - here's the screwup father who just wants to be a hero in the eyes of his son! here's the elderly couple who are so totally going to die in each others' arms! here's the gay orangutan hairdresser! and the farting Tasmanian Devil!
Here's the unnecessarily eeeeevil hunter (named Hunter), who so hates all manner of animal life that he utters in utter seriousness the line "I really don't trust that monkey" and also at one point will abandon his rifle in favour of a... biplane that fires state-of-the-art missiles?
But it looks gorgeous, even at its worst. There's a butterfly in the opening minutes of the film that's just impossibly beautiful, verging on photorealism, and while none of it is going to make anyone forget the Lion King, the sun-kissed fur on the chin of the (vegetarian) lion Socrates is really a triumph of CGI.
Story: Honestly, this one almost got a full point. But at the end the animals stage a full-on invasion of New York, and... no. No, I'm sorry. No. 0.5 Points
Execution: It really, really looks like a movie. Full marks. 1 Point
Moral: Animals and man can live in harmony if we just stop sticking our greedy mitts into every corner of the planet? Full marks. 1 Point
Songs: No original songs, the characters bop along to successful hits that are now public domain. No objections. On the other hand, there is a scene where a meerkat falls into a piranha tank, and the score during the resulting action sequence is the kind of music meant to open your eyes to the wonders of the world, not to underscore a dangerous chase. It's a weird choice that docks it half a point. 0.5 Points
Did My Kids Like It? They did. 1 Point.
Score: 4/5
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